New Beginnings
by KatherineLondon
Summary: When the Cullens left, Bella sunk into a horrible depression. Her parents then decided to send her to a boarding school in Connecticut for a fresh start. That was when Bella decided to leave the old Bella in Forks and become a completely different person.
1. Prologue

**This story is something I've been wanting to write for while. I thought it would be interesting to see what would happen if Edward didnt come back right away and Bella started an entirely different life without him. I would love some feedback, I don't know if I am going to continue with this story or not yet. Let me know what you think!**

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><p>Bella Swan sat on her bed in her tiny room, absentmindedly staring out of her bedroom window. It had been a little more than two months since <em>he<em> left and nothing had gotten better. She woke up screaming almost every night and had to literally hold herself together whenever she thought about _him_ (which was a lot) because it felt like there was a huge gaping hole in her chest. Bella knew Charlie worried about her so she put on a show, going to school, cooking every night, but she wasn't the same.

It was sunset and the room kept getting darker and darker, but Bella didn't care. She didn't move from her place on her bed until the fire alarm suddenly went off. She scrambled off the bed and to the door, managing to trip in the process. When she opened her bedroom door, she was greeted with the sight of smoke rising up from the downstairs. Her only concern at that point was Charlie. Bella thought about just running downstairs but figured with her luck, she would end up falling and would be useless. So she felt around for the banister before carefully making her way down the stairs, calling out for Charlie.

There was some muffled coughing before Charlie finally made his presence known, "It's all right Bells! I'm in the kitchen!" By now, Bella had safely made it down the stairs and rushed towards the kitchen, still not completely sure of what was going on. She would've sighed in relief when she heard Charlie's voice but she could barely breath as it was. The smoke was so dense Bella couldn't even see Charlie, but from his voice, he sounded only to be a few feet away from her.

"What happened?" Bella cried, fear evident in her voice. "Open the back door." Charlie ordered. Bella did as she was told and stumbled her way to the back door. When enough of the smoke cleared, Bella saw Charlie pull some unidentifiable food item from the oven and carry it out of the house. "You tried to cook?" Bella asked in disbelief. Charlie never cooked. Bella always cooked for them. She knew she had been slacking in that department recently, but if she had driven Charlie to try to cook for himself, it was obviously worse then Bella originally thought. Before Bella had a chance to apologize, Charlie spoke. "Come on kid, let's go out to eat while the house airs out." Wow. Either Charlie was really hungry, or something was up.

They road to the Charlie's favorite restaurant, The Lodge, in silence. As usual, the place was pretty much empty. The waitress seated them at their usual table and didn't even ask for their order, already knowing what they would eat. Charlie grabbed a newspaper from the next table over and started flipping through while Bella stared into space. When their food came, Charlie scarfed his food down while Bella just pushed her food around on the plate. Eventually, Charlie cleared his throat and spoke. "Bella..." Bella looked up at him, caught off guard by the authority in his voice. "I know you've been having a hard time with that Cullen kid leaving and all, and I left you alone like you asked, but I can't stand by doing nothing anymore. You're a shell of the person you used to be." A lump formed in Bella's throat when he said the name, Cullen. "I talked with Renee about it and we both think a change in scenery would do you good. So, I've enrolled you in St. Augustine. It's supposed to the top school in the country Bells. And you can get a fresh start." he suggested hopefully as he took a wrinkled brochure for the school out of his jacket pocket and slid it over to Bella.

Bella dropped her fork which made a loud clanking sound. The feeling of panic was trying to break through Bella's carefully constructed mask, making her panic even more. Almost everything in her life had changed within the last two months; Bella did not want to change schools too. Forks High School was one of the only remaining reminders that _he_ had really been there. They had walked the halls together and sat together at lunch. She couldn't leave.

Charlie must've seen Bella's panicked expression because he started asking her to just take a look at the brochure before she decided anything. Bella reluctantly picked the school brochure up from the table and looked at it. Bella would never admit it but the school didn't sound half bad. They had proficient test scores, famous alumni, and state of the art facilities, though the part that really hooked Bella was the fact that they offered a ton of different writing classes. She closed the brochure and held it out for Charlie to take when something caught her attention. On the back of the brochure, there was all of St. Augustine's contact information. The address was in Connecticut.

Bella shook her head furiously. "No!" Charlie wanted to send her away. Bella was now on the brink of hysteria. "Bella, please. I'm trying to help you!" Charlie pleaded. Bella kept shaking her head. "No you aren't, you just don't want to deal with me. I promise I can do better. Please dad, give me another chance." Bella pleaded back. "Bells, you're breakin' my heart." Charlie responded. "I'm just trying to do the best thing for you. You haven't been eating," Charlie looked down pointedly at Bella's full plate. "You don't go out, you have gone catatonic."

"So you're solution is to send me away? You can't do that! This is my home!" Charlie sighed before rubbing his hand over his face. He looked exhausted. "It's not like you have left me a lot of choices here, Bells. Your mom wants you to go live with her and I think I heard her say something about trying hypnosis. I had to negotiate for the school as it is." Nothing more was said and they ended up just taking the rest of their food home, nobody in the mood to eat anymore.

When they got back to their house, Bella went to put the leftovers in the refrigerator and Charlie went to watch television in the family room. Bella had been thinking about St. Augustine the whole night. If nothing else, she would be away from Charlie and he could finally stop worrying about her. And he deserved peace of mind. Not to mention she only had one more year of school to complete. Plus, why was she so hell bent on staying at a mediocre school anyway? Her only reason was him, but he was gone now. Before she could change her mind, Bella marched into the family room, stood in front of Charlie, and declared, "Fine. I'll go."

**-NB-**

Mismatching suitcases were scattered all throughout Bella's small bedroom. Bella was supposed to be packing because she needed to be on a plane to Connecticut the next day, but not much packing had been done. Every time she would pick something to pack, she would get distracted, thinking about _him_. Bella didn't realize how hard packing would be. Everything Bella owned seemed to have some sort of link to _him_, making Bella relive the pain of realizing that_ he_ was gone with every article of clothing she tried to pack.

Eventually Bella gave up trying to pack neatly with everything folded and started throwing things in the suitcase, just wanting to be done with the packing. As Bella went to go get another handful of clothes from her closet, there was a knock at the front door. Bella didn't pay much attention to it, figuring Charlie would take care of whoever was at the door. She went back to carelessly throwing clothes into her suitcase when she heard the distinct sound of high heels clamping up the stairs. Bella turned to look just in time to see Renee climbing up the stairs. "Bella! Baby!" Renee ran towards Bella and enveloped her in a huge hug. Bella returned the hug and asked, "What are you doing here mom?"

"Well, When Charlie called and told me that you were going to St. Augustine, I knew I just had to come see you before you left." Bella looked over Renee's shoulder to Charlie, who had made a more quiet entrance into Bella's room behind Renee. He just shook his head and shrugged his shoulders with a confused look on his face so Bella figured Renee's little visit was just as surprising to Charlie as it was to me.

Bella quickly turned her attention back to Renee who was now looking Bella over. She started shaking her head and made a 'tsk, tsk' noise before coming out with, "Oh dear Bella, darling. I leave you with your father for a year and this is what happens to you?" Renee wasn't a mean person but she didn't have a filter and some of the things she said were hurtful. That was when Charlie chimed in on my behalf. "Don't be too hard on her Renee, she's had a rough year." Renee rolled her eyes like a teenager would and grabbed my hand. "Regardless, It's obvious that she has no female influence in her life here so I'm going to make up for that. We're going out for a day of pampering." she declared. Uh oh, Bella knew where this was going. Renee had taken Bella on one of these 'pampering sessions' before and Bella wasn't interested. Hair, nails, clothes, waxing. That seemed more traumatic then anything else. Unfortunately Renee had made her mind up and it wasn't going to change. Charlie knew Bella didn't like all that girly stuff so, bless his heart, he tried one last attempt to get her out of it. "Bella still has to pack, Renee." He gestured to all the empty suitcases in Bella's room. Renee just waved it off. "Oh please, do you not know me at all? I just so happen to be a master packer. Once we're done with our day of pampering, I'll come back and help finish packing." With that, Renee confidently walked out of the room, dragging Bella along with her.

Renee ended up taking Charlie's cruiser without asking for permission because she refused to be seen riding around in Bella's old truck. She drove to Port Angeles, speeding all the way there, only slowing down once they were in front of a small boutique. Bella reluctantly got out of the car and followed her mother into the boutique. They ended up spending almost four hours there. Renee picked out what seemed to be the skimpiest outfits for Bella. When Renee ventured over to the intimates section, that was when Bella drew the line. She refused to look for lingerie with her mom. "Mom, let's go." Bella said, trying to be as tactful as possible. "But Bella! These are so cute for you!" She squealed, holding up a sexy white bra and panty set that frightened Bella. Eventually Bella managed to convince Renee to leave. "Go wait in the car if you are so against this, I'll go check out." She offered. Bella took her up on it, wanting to get as far away from the underwear section as possible. Just being around that kind of stuff was embarrassing. Bella waited in the car for about five minutes before Renee came out with both arms weighed down with bags. It looked like she had bought everything in the store.

After the shopping trip from her nightmares, Renee drove Bella to a beauty salon. Bella figured things couldn't get any worse. Unfortunately, Bella was wrong. As soon as they stepped in, Bella felt like she was on another planet. Renee however, seemed to be in her zone. Probably because when Bella was about fourteen, Renee decided she wanted to be a beautician and even went to cosmetology school for two weeks. The receptionist at the front desk greeted Renee and Bella and asked what they wanted. "The whole deal. "Hair nails, waxing. Bella is going to a new school soon so she needs to look fabulous." Renee said without discussing it with Bella. Bella just wanted to sink into the floor.

"Well, the waxing should probably be done first so I'll take you to the private rooms in the back for that." The receptionist led Bella and her mom to the back where all the 'personal grooming' was done. Bella and Renee were put in two separate rooms and told to wait. A lady in her mid-thirties came into Bella's room and told her to sit still. She did and the lady waxed her eyebrows and legs. Bella had never been waxed and it hurt a whole lot more then she thought it would. Now she was sitting in the chair and wondering why on Earth other women voluntarily did this on a regular basis. "Get undressed." The waxing lady ordered in her thick Dutch accent. Now Bella was confused. Get undressed? For what? "Bikini wax." the lady said before Bella could ask any questions. Bella started shaking her head but undressed anyway. The Dutch lady scared her and she didn't want to upset her. Bella lay down on the table once again, this time though; she was naked from the waist down. Bella tried to cover herself with her hands to preserve some of her modesty, but the lady just swatted them away before applying the wax. When the lady started pulling the strips off, Bella yelped.

When Bella walked out of the room, she looked like she had seen a ghost. Renee was waiting right outside and before she could go back into the front of the salon, Bella pulled her aside. "What was that?" she whisper yelled. "A wax." Renee replied matter-of-factly. Bella was still in shock about what just happened. "I didn't know I was getting that kind of wax!" Bella almost shrieked. "What do you mean?" Renee asked, confused and worried. Renee was going to make Bella say it. "I didn't know you signed us up for...bikini waxes." She whispered, her face turning red. "Oh honey, it's fine. You're seventeen; you're allowed to get a bikini wax." Bella couldn't understand how her mother could be so calm about her daughter getting a bikini wax, against her will! "Come on Bella, let's get our hair done. I think you would look really good with highlights." Renee grabbed Bella's hand again and led her out to the front of the salon. Bella was not done discussing the waxing, but she was not going to talk about it in front of other people, so she dropped the subject.

By the time Renee and Bella walked out of the salon, Bella look completely different. Her hair had been trimmed and highlights had been put in. She was waxed, her nails were polished, and she even had makeup on. The only way you could tell it was her was by her clothes. Bella still wore her favorite jeans, a plain purple tee shirt, and her trusty beat up Converse.

During the car ride home, Renee wouldn't stop talking about how much attention she would get at St. Augustine, which only made Bella nervous. As soon as Renee pulled into Charlie's driveway, Bella shot out of the car and went straight into the house. Charlie was sitting on the couch watching a football game. When he saw Bella, he had to do a double take. "Wow, Bells, you look...beautiful." he said, rising from the couch. Bella thanked him and sunk down onto the couch where Charlie had just been sitting. She must've been exhausted because as soon as she sat down, she fell asleep.

**-NB-**

The next morning, Bella woke up early. She got up and stretched, sore from sleeping on the couch. The clock on the wall read six o'clock. When Bella walked upstairs to her room, she was surprised to find Renee asleep in her bed and all the suitcases packed. Renee must've stayed over and packed her suitcases for her last night after Bella fell asleep. Bella had been upset with Renee because of yesterday but knowing that she had stayed up all night just to make sure Bella was packed, restored Bella's faith in her completely.

Bella tucked Renee in, kissed her on the forehead and headed back down stairs. Charlie was now up and making coffee. "Hey kiddo," he said when he saw Bella. "Your plane leaves at nine so we should leave here in about an hour." Bella nodded and made her way back upstairs to get ready.

Bella crept into her room, trying not to wake Renee up, and went to the closet to find something to wear, hoping Renee hadn't packed everything. Bella opened her closet and was shocked. Almost everything she owned was still in there, which made Bella wonder what was in her suitcases. She went over to the first one she saw and unzipped it. What she found in there was horrifying. It was all the clothes her mother had picked out yesterday and on top of everything was the dreaded matching white bra and panty set. Bella had less than an hour to get ready so she didn't have time to repack which meant she was stuck with that stuff. She tried to push the clothing dilemma out of her mind because she had to get ready now so she headed to the bathroom to take a shower.

The airport was pretty busy but Bella and her family managed to get checked in and through security in record time. An automatic voice on the loudspeaker informed them that Bella's flight was boarding so they all started saying their goodbyes. Charlie cleared his throat and said, "I'm going to miss your cooking, kid... I love you." followed by an awkward hug. Renee just started crying. Once she composed herself, she held Bella in a tight hug. "You're going to do great. This is a fresh start, nothing to hold you back. You can be anyone you want to be. I love you Bella."

After a few minutes of doing nothing but hug Renee, Charlie interjected. "Uh, Renee? Bella needs to board the plane. They just called the final boarding call." Renee was hysterical as Bella gently pushed her away. "I'm just going to miss her so much!" Bella started walking to the gate when she heard Charlie respond to Renee by saying, "You can't miss someone if you don't let them go." With one final wave to her parents, Bella boarding the plane.

Once Bella was seated on the plane, she couldn't help but start thinking about _him_. Bella wondered if he was out there somewhere, going to high school yet again. She wondered if his family was with him. Probably. She wondered if he thought about her as much as she did him. Probably not. He didn't want her anymore, that was what he said, it didn't get much clearer than that. But, if he obviously didn't want her anymore, why was she still holding out hope for him? She had been depressed for the last two months because of him and it was becoming increasingly more apparent each day that he was never going to come back. "It will be like a never existed." were his exact words. They were the words that haunted Bella so many of her sleepless nights. Now the question she was asking herself was why was she still giving everything she had to him even after he left her? She just kept giving more and more of herself away and had yet to get anything back.

As the plane took off, Bella's mind wandered to all the things her parents had said to her, there were two things in particular that she kept going back to. She thought about how when Charlie was trying to convince her to go to St. Augustine, "...you can get a fresh start." he said. She also thought about when Renee was saying goodbye, she said, "You can be anyone you want to be." Turns out, they were both right. This was a new start for her and she could be anyone she wanted. Nobody knew her or what she had been through. She didn't have to be Bella Swan, the weird albino loner girl from Phoenix. To be frank, Bella was pretty sick of her. Not to mention being plain old Bella Swan obviously hadn't worked out so well for her. Her boyfriend, best friend, and what she thought to be a second family all just left her.

Bella made up her mind right there. She never again would be Bella Swan, the weird albino loner girl. She would be Isabella Swan, the mysterious girl from Washington.


	2. Chapter 1

**Four Months Later**

When Isabella Swan woke up, she was disoriented. She had no idea where she was or what had happened last night. When she sat up and looked around, her head felt like it was going to explode. She was in the Old Library, a well-known, yet exclusive place to party on campus. There were people all over the place, some asleep like she just was, others awake, gathering their things and leaving, but everybody looked like hell. There were empty liquor bottles scattered throughout the room along with some unidentifiable pills and weed. The place looked like a deleted scene from The Hangover.

Isabella wore a strapless off white Balmain dress with Giuseppe Zanotti grey suede pumps. Isabella slipped her heels off before standing up so she didn't make any unnecessary noise and went to find Alexis, her best friend. It didn't take long. Isabella found her lying across the bottom step of an elegant grand staircase in the middle of the front room. Isabella gently shook Alexis awake. "Alexis, Alexis!" Isabella whispered, "We need to get out of here." Alexis groaned but stood up anyway.

Alexis stumbled a little before pushing the heaving oak door open. "Oh my god. What the hell happened last night?" She asked as she looped her arm through Isabella's. "I have absolutely no idea; I was actually hoping you would know." Isabella responded. As the girls walked across the campus, Isabella noticed more and more people staring. It was easy to guess why. It was the middle of winter, in Connecticut, and they were walking around in cocktail dresses and high heels. To say they were overdressed would be an understatement. It was obvious they were just coming back from a party.

The longer the girls were outside, the more nervous Isabella became. She didn't want a staff member to catch them because non-school sanctioned events were strictly prohibited at St. Augustine. Especially if said event involved drugs and alcohol. If somebody caught them, they could be expelled and while Alexis had the luxury of being able to throw money around to make her problems disappear, Isabella did not. Alexis must've been been nervous too because soon after Isabella started worrying, Alexis pulled her into the nearest bathroom. She took one look in the mirror and shouted, "Jeez! We look like whores!" She was right. Their dresses were really short, their heels were really high, and they both had raccoon eyes from their makeup. Luckily for them, Alexis was prepared. She put her tiny clutch on the counter and dumped the contents out. It looked like an emergency overnight bag. There were sun glasses, a little bottle of Tylenol, breath mints, perfume, and anything else you could possibly need after a night of wild partying. By the time they walked back outside, they still had there dresses on, but they had concealed their raccoon eyes with sunglasses and covered up the smell of alcohol and weed with perfume and breath mints.

Alexis and Isabella shared a dorm room, which is how they became friends. When they finally got back to their room, Alexis went straight to her bed and pulled the covers all the way over her head. Then she mumbled, "Wake me up when school starts." Isabella had to laugh. "But that's almost two days away." Alexis stuck her head out of the blankets just long enough to let Isabella know that she was aware of that fact and that with the major hangover she had, she needed the whole two days to recover. Isabella grabbed some clean clothes and headed to their en-suite bathroom to take a shower.

Once Isabella was done cleaning herself up, it was well into the afternoon and she headed out. Since Alexis didn't know what happened last night either, Isabella was now on a quest to find someone that could tell her what happened. She wore a casual outfit, denim skinny jean, a fitted white blouse, and a pair of black Louboutins. She walked across the miniature quad to Bishop, one of the boys dorm buildings and went to the top floor. She stood in front of room 103 and knocked. Isabella waited for a second before the door opened to reveal Alex, a devastatingly gorgeous boy standing there in pajama pants. He flashed a beautiful smile at Isabella and invited her in. When the door closed, the room went completely dark. "I assume you're here because of the pictures." he said as he pulled the blinds up, the entire room brightening with natural light. Isabella was scared now. "What pictures?" she asked hesitantly. Alex smirked, "You don't remember, do you?" he asked as he walked over to his desk and turned the laptop on. He typed in a few things before turning the computer so Isabella could see it. On the screen were pictures of her at the party last night. The first few she remembered being taken, but the others were surprising to her. "This one is my favorite. It pretty much sums up your whole night." Alex spoke as he clicked on one of the last pictures in the folder.

On the screen was a picture of Isabella standing on top of a table with a drink in one hand, a blunt in the other, and Alex with his arm wrapped around her waist, holding her up. "Oh my gosh." Isabella was shocked. She could hardly believe that was her. "You have to delete them." She begged Alex. "Hmm..." Alex said playfully as the mouse hovered over the delete button. "Fine." He clicked the button and the pictures disappeared. "But personally, I liked you last night. You were actually fun." Isabella groaned, "That's what I'm afraid of. Your definition of fun is not the same as mine." Alex set the laptop back down on his desk and turned towards Isabella with a smirk on his face. "You're right. My idea of fun is a hell of a lot more entertaining than yours." he countered as he grabbed Isabella's waist and pulled her closer to him.

Alex looked deep into Isabella's eyes and drew her closer so their bodies pressed together. "My idea of fun makes you feel good." he whispered into Isabella's ear. She needed to get out of there before things went any further. "Yes, but my idea of fun doesn't involve cheating on a significant other." she said, referring to Alex's girlfriend, Bethany, as she gently pushed Alex away from her.

Isabella managed to get out of Alex's room unscathed. She walked down the long hallway trying to even her breathing out. That wasn't the first time Alex has tried to hook up with Isabella, but there was always playfulness between them when he flirted with her that wasn't there this time, like he actually wanted it to happen. As she walked down the hall, she noticed movers moving boxes into the two rooms that came before Alex's. School was starting up again tomorrow which meant some new students were bound to be moving in, so Isabella paid them no mind.

As Isabella walked out of Bishop, she saw two people who looked very familiar sitting on the grass. She tried to convince herself that it was nothing, but her gut instinct was telling her different. She eventually decided to walk by them, to prove to herself that she was just imagining things. She walked past the couple and glanced back. What she saw made her stop in her tracks and do a double take. Right in front of her was Alice Cullen and Jasper Hale, holding hands and acting like any other teenage couple. They exchanged loving glances and passionate kisses, too involved in each other to even realize Isabella was staring at them. What were they doing here? Did they know she was here? Was the rest of their family with them? A million questions ran through her head in the five second span she spent staring at them. She entertained the idea of running away, but ultimately decided against it. She was going to stand her ground here. She refused to run away again.

Isabella took a deep breath and walked towards the couple. She tapped on Alice's shoulder and waited. It didn't take long. Alice and Jasper were up on their feet before Isabella could blink. "Oh my- Bella!" She squealed, throwing her arms around Isabella for a hug. Isabella just flinched away from her touch. A hurt look appeared on Alice's face, "What's wrong Bella?" she asked. Isabella was flabbergasted. Alice was acting as if the whole last year didn't happen. "What are you doing here?" was all she said in response. Alice looked a little confused at Isabella's clipped tone but answered in her usual bubbly voice. "The headmistress is a friend of Carlisle's. They were short staffed in the medical department so she called him and asked him to come help as a favor to her."

"So you're attending St. Augustine's now." was Isabella's next question, though it came out more as a statement. Alice looked over at Jasper before nodding, "Yeah, are you a student here too? This is so exciting! I had all these plans for your senior year and now we can actually do th-" Isabella held up her hand, "Have you ever been to a boarding school like this?" she asked, gesturing to the campus around her. Alice and Jasper shook their heads no. Alice tried to say something, but Isabella cut them off. "You should leave." she told them abruptly. Alice started shaking her head in disagreement, "Why would we do that?" she asked, getting more confused as the conversation went on. Isabella sighed before explaining. "Because. When you went to public schools, like Forks High School, you could get away with isolating yourselves because you were so obviously different. You were rich, and beautiful, and talented. But you can't do that here because everyone is rich, and beautiful, and talented. They'll take offense to that, like you think you're better than them. If you isolate yourselves here like you do at every other school you've gone to, all you will do is put a huge target on your back. Just save yourselves the hardship and go back home." Isabella didn't realize how much anger she held towards Alice for leaving, but it was all coming out now. She didn't mean for her words to sound so harsh, but they did. Alice looked like she was about to cry, which made Isabella feel even worse. All she wanted to do was give her old friend a long overdue hug, but she couldn't bring herself to do so. Her self-preservation instincts were screaming at her to stay away from all the Cullen's so she couldn't be hurt by them again.

Isabella didn't know what to do, so she turned and walked away as calmly as possible. She felt like she wanted to cry but she held back. She walked straight to her dorm without once looking back. Once she was in the privacy of her own room, she slid down against the door and started crying. She wasn't exactly sure why, but it felt good, so she allowed herself to continue to cry until there were no more tears to shed.


	3. Chapter 2

Someone tried opening the door to Isabella and Alexis' room, but Isabella was still sitting with her back against it, making it impossible for anyone to get in. Isabella wiped away the last remaining tears from her eyes as someone started banging on the door. "Isabella! Let me in!" Alexis whined from the other side of the door. Isabella looked over at Alexis' bed for the first time since she had gotten back and was surprised to see it empty. She probably should have checked if anyone was in the room before she had her mini breakdown but if Alexis was in the room, she would have made her presence known.

"Um, okay, give me a second." Isabella yelled back. She hopped up from her place on the floor and looked in the mirror. She looked horrible. Her eyes were red and puffy and her cheeks were stained with dried tears. There was no way to hide it. Isabella reluctantly opened the door to let Alexis in and quickly attempted to turn around, hoping to hide her face from her best friend. It didn't work. Alexis already saw. "Oh my god, what happened? Are you okay?" She asked, dropping her bag and running over to Isabella. "I'm fine, I'm fine, really. Just...old drama." She said vaguely. Alexis looked doubtfully at Isabella, "Are you sure?" Isabella nodded and a bright smile appeared on Alexis face. "Great, I have the perfect thing to take your mind off of anything that is troubling you, my dear. A party! I was just with Wynter and she was telling me that Bethany is throwing a little party tonight on the roof. Just one last hurrah before school starts again." Alexis explained excitedly.

"I thought you were still recovering from the last party." Isabella inquired. Alexis rolled her eyes. "Didn't anyone ever tell you that the best cure for a hangover is more alcohol?" She asked as if it were the most logical thing ever said. "I think I heard that once on the Jersey Shore, and in case you didn't know, the people on that show aren't the most reliable source of information." Isabella teased. Alexis just scoffed and flipped her hair. "Wynter said it was casual, so we can just head out now. Everyone is probably up there already." Alexis did a final makeup check and Isabella grabbed a sweatshirt to wear. Then they headed out.

Since students weren't allowed on the roof, the only way to get up there was through the emergency stairwell. "So who's going to be at this party anyway?" Isabella asked as they walked up the stairs. "Oh you know, the usual. Me, you, Alex, Bethany, Damon, Emily, Nick, and Wynter. Oh, and Wynter met this new guy today. She thinks he's hot, so he might be there too." Alexis finished as they finally reached the door to the roof. Alexis ran off ahead of Isabella and pushed the door open. Music drifted into the stairwell as Isabella walked outside. The party was already in full swing. Nick was in the corner as usual strumming his guitar quietly. Alexis headed straight to him and sat on his lap, demanding all of his attention. Alexis had the biggest crush on Nick, though she would never admit it. Alexis was wild and crazy, and she liked to surround herself with people just like her. Nick on the other hand was very reserved and kept to himself most of the time. They balanced each other out nicely. Now all they needed to do was get together.

Emily and Damon, the resident couple, were huddled together whispering in each others ears as Emily lovingly massaged Damon's hand. Once Alex spotted Isabella, he walked to her and swept her away to the middle of the roof and started dancing with her seductively. Isabella didn't think their bodies could be any closer. She also noticed Bethany watching them very closely, giving Isabella the death glare. Isabella once again had to push Alex away and distance herself from him.

She went over to the only table set up and poured herself a drink. "Alex seems to have taken an interest in you." The sugary sweet voice made Isabella freeze. She spun around and came face to face with Bethany. Or face to chest. Bethany was taller than Isabella and she had high heels on tonight, adding to the height difference between the two girls. She looked up to Bethany's face before she spoke, "Oh no, he's just playing. He flirts with everyone, you know that." Bethany didn't seem pleased with the answer so Isabella continued. "He loves you though, which is something no one else can claim." That seemed to satisfy Bethany, but she gave a warning before leaving. "I know firsthand how easy it is to fall for Alex. He's charming and sweet and sexy as hell, but don't. Just, don't." Bethany paused for dramatic effect, "He tends to get bored with women very quickly. Not to mention you wouldn't be able to handle him." She said with a smirk. With that, she spun around and walked away. She strutted right over to Alex, grabbing his neck and pulling his head close to hers and kissed him, making it a point to look straight at Isabella before she did so.

Isabella leaned over the edge of the roof, and looked around. She could see the whole campus from where she stood. The view was breathtaking. She stood there forever, just enjoying the peace she felt when she looked out at the view. "Whoooo! I'm here, let the party begin!" a familiar voice boomed behind Isabella. Her hands curled up into little fists. The damn Cullen's where going to ruin this for Isabella. She was living a completely different life but if anyone found out about the Cullen's, her whole cover would be blown. She stayed turned away from the party, praying that Emmett and whoever else was with him would just ignore her, or better yet, pretend like they never met. "Bella boo!" She cringed when she heard her old nickname being used. Isabella felt two large arms wrap around her for a hug and squeeze. Emmett then proceeded to swing her around like a life sized rag doll. Isabella tried in vain to squirm her way out of his arms. When he finally set her back down on the ground, everyone was staring at them. "You know Emmett?" Wynter stepped forward and asked. Isabella shrugged as nonchalantly as possible before replying with, "We used to go to school together back in Washington." The answer seemed to appease most of the crowd who had gathered to watch Emmett's rather unnecessary greeting. Rosalie stood right next to Emmett. She didn't acknowledge Isabella's presence, but instead spent her time scoping the place out. Alice and Jasper were behind Emmett and Rosalie, holding hands and staring at Isabella. This night could end very badly for Isabella.


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N: I hope this whole chapter makes sense. These characters have far more complex relationships with each other in my mind then I could ever hope to capture in a few words. Also, sorry for waiting so long to update each chapter. I always have the worst time writing the beginning of every chapter. I usually write about 3 to 4 different ways to start the chapters before deciding on the best one. I've already started chapter 4 so fingers crossed that I post again sooner rather than later.**

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><p>"I have to go to the bathroom!" Isabella managed to blurt out before running towards the stairwell door. Once she was by herself in the stairwell, panic consumed her. "Okay, okay, okay..." she ran her fingers through her hair and tried taking deep breaths to calm herself down. She felt trapped. She couldn't leave without letting on that something was wrong but staying at the party with the Cullen's seemed far too dangerous. Any one of them could easily bring up the past without even realizing what they were doing. Isabella's brain was working at a hundred miles an hour as she tried to decide what she was going to do.<p>

Suddenly, the door to the roof swung open. Bethany strutted in with a bottle of tequila in one hand and stopped when she saw Isabella. She cocked her head to the side, "I thought you needed the bathroom." Isabella shook her head, "I uh, just um, needed some space." she stuttered. Bethany didn't react to Isabella's answer, she just set the liquor down and took out a small compact from her purse and shoved it into Isabella's hands. She then took out a tube of lip gloss and started applying it to her plump lips. She got done with one lip and looked up expectantly at Isabella. "How am I supposed to put lip gloss on without a mirror?" she asked. "Oh, right." Isabella opened the sleek compact at held it up for Bethany.

"So I was thinking about what you said earlier tonight," Bethany spoke as she rubbed her fingers around her mouth, wiping any excess lip gloss away. "And I decided that you're right. It was silly of me to even think that Alex liked you." Bethany's clipped laugh echoed throughout the stairwell. "I mean, come on, look at you." Isabella lowered the compact, and looked down at herself. "What does that mean?" she asked, not sure if she should be offended by Bethany's comments. Bethany smirked, "Oh, It's not a bad thing. You just come off as very...innocent." Bethany took the compact back from Isabella and dropped it in her purse along with her lip gloss. When she saw Isabella's confused expression, she felt the need to elaborate. "Listen, the whole innocent thing is cute and all, but some guys need a not so innocent girl, if you get what I'm saying." she winked at Isabella, "Especially a guy like Alex." She purred the last part. "I'm not that innocent." Isabella tried to argue. Bethany's laugh echoed off the walls again. "Oh please. You might as well run away and join a convent now. You've been here what, four months now, and I have yet to see you with a guy, or even show interest in someone for that matter. Mother Teresa looks like a tramp compared to you." Bethany smiled and headed back to the roof. "And I'm willing to bet anything that you're still a virgin." she said loudly as she pushed the door open.

Now Isabella really couldn't go back onto the roof. She knew that all the Cullen's had just heard that conversation. She couldn't face them now that they all knew something so intimate about her. They probably already knew since their brother was the one that tried so hard to keep her pure, but it was always an off limits subject so it was never brought up. Now there was no way to ignore it. Isabella had never viewed being a virgin as a bad thing until now. Being inexperienced was looked down upon at St. Augustine. Sex was casual. It just another thing the students did to pass the time. She was always very vague whenever anyone asked her about that, saying things like, "I don't kiss and tell." but obviously people had deduced that she was a virgin.

She began to panic again as she wondered how many people actually knew about her nonexistent sex life. Isabella sat down on the first step and absentmindedly grabbed the tequila bottle Bethany had left and started to drink. If Bethany knew, there was a good chance that the rest of their friends knew. Isabella took another swig of her drink. Her breathing got heavy as she felt the panic rise. To make matters worse, she started thinking about Edward. Would he still have left if they had made love? Isabella knew it was a stupid thing to think about. One of those 'what if' questions that she would never know the answer to, but she could help it. For the first time since she left Forks, Isabella wrapped her arms around her waist in an attempt to hold herself together.

Something was put on Isabella's shoulders, drawing her out of her own mind. When she looked up, she found Alex draping his blazer on her shoulders. He sat down next to her on the stair but didn't say a word. A few minutes passed before he finally spoke up. "I heard what Bethany said. Thought that I would come check on you." he spoke softly, his smooth voice running through Isabella's now somewhat hazy mind. Isabella groaned and buried her red face in her hands. He heard what Bethany said about her, could the night get any worse? "You should just ignore her. Bethany can get very vicious when she feels threatened." Alex took the bottle of tequila away from Isabella and took a sip. "But she's right. Guys want someone like Bethany, not like me." Isabella whispered and stood up, teetering a little as she stood. Alex stood up as well and held onto Isabella, making sure she didn't fall. "That's not true." Alex spoke in a hoarse tone. Isabella wavered so Alex stepped closer to her and wrapped his arms around her waist like he had done the other night. Isabella scoffed, "Name one guy who would prefer someone like me over someone like Bethany." Isabella slurred with a pout. "I do." Alex answered. Isabella looked up to Alex only to find him staring back at her. She was suddenly very aware of how close they were. She could feel the heat radiating off of his body. "Why?" Isabella asked. "Why do you like me?" she clarified the question. Alex smiled, "Because you're smart, and funny, and cute. Because I can actually have a real conversation with you." His face moved closer to Isabella's. "Because all I can think about right now is how much I want to kiss you..."

Isabella's heart raced as she watched Alex dip his head closer to her. She didn't stop him though. His warm lips lightly touched hers and for that second, everything else just fell away. She forgot about the Cullen's, and Bethany, and Alexis and just enjoyed the way he kissed her, making her feel like she was the only person who mattered to him. Alex moved away from her far too soon. He looked down at her with a questioning gaze which Isabella responded to by grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him back down to her. Alex happily obliged.

Their kisses soon turned more passionate. Isabella kept losing her balance so Alex came up with a solution. He pushed her up against the cement wall without breaking their kiss. Alex's hands had moved down to the soft curve of Isabella's hips and pulled her even closer to him. Things were moving so fast. Isabella was used to Edward, the way he always took things slow. The way he always treated her so gently, afraid that she would break. Alex was the complete opposite. He was so sure of himself and what he was doing. Isabella didn't have to worry about him losing control or stopping because it was too unsafe for her.

Eventually, Isabella had to break away from Alex to catch her breath. She smiled at him and weaved her fingers into his blond hair. "You're really good at that." Isabella commented breathlessly. "But I don't seem to have the lung capacity that you do." Alex smiled and brushed the hair out of Isabella's face. "Hm, then I should probably let you catch your breath." Alex started kissing Isabella's neck, slowly working his way down to the hollow of her neck. Isabella's breath hitched when she felt Alex's tongue dart out and skillfully lick his way back up to her mouth. "Have you caught your breath yet?" he asked as he swiped his tongue over Isabella's bottom lip. Isabella couldn't find the words to speak but nodded.

Just as Alex leaned back to Isabella, the roof door creaked open. Isabella instinctively shoved Alex away from her, not wanting to get caught, but it was obvious what was just going on. Both Isabella and Alex were panting and Isabella's sweatshirt lay on the floor at her feet. She didn't even remember taking it off, but she apparently did. She tried smoothing out her hair and putting her sweatshirt back on while also watching the door. Alexis stood in the doorway in shock. "Oh. My. God. I'm sorry, I'll just wanted to- I'll go...back..." Alexis shielded her eyes and walked back onto the roof. Reality all came tumbling back and Isabella started to realize what just happened. She ran out after Alexis, wanting to try to explain, leaving a riled up Alex alone in the stairwell.

Outside, the party was in full swing. Everybody sat in a tight circle passing around more alcohol and laughing. Everyone except for the Cullen's and Alexis. Alexis gawked at Isabella while the Cullen's took a more subtle approach. It seemed like they each took turns stealing glances towards her. Jasper wore a shocked expression similar to the one Alexis wore. Alice sat with a look of disbelief and disappointment on her face while Emmett had a huge grin on his face, even going so far as to flash her a thumbs up. Rosalie was by far the worst though. She wore a condescending smirk and her wild eyes flashed with excitement. Isabella didn't know what she was planning, but knew it would not be good for her.


	5. Chapter 4

Isabella cautiously took a seat next to Alexis in the circle of her friends. A bottle of vodka was being passed around and there was some light conversation going on but all Isabella could focus on was Bethany. She was racked with guilt. Isabella never considered Bethany to be a true friend, but that didn't mean she deserve to be cheated on. "Where have you been? You've missed the entire party, Isabella." Rosalie spoke for the first time that night. She pronounced Isabella's full first name sharply. "Rose, stop." Emmett hissed under his breath and elbowed her in the ribs. "What? It's just a question." she said innocently. Now everyone was looking at Isabella, waiting for an answer.

"If I know Isabella, she was probably working on something for school." Alexis covered for her. Isabella nodded in agreement, "I had some reading to catch up on for my creative writing class." Isabella lied. The group continued to talk about school so Isabella took the opportunity to try to talk to Alexis. "Can we talk please?" she pleaded with her best friend quietly. Alexis looked around the circle hesitantly before getting up and walking over to the other side of the roof with Isabella. Isabella didn't know where to begin, so she just started explaining. "What you saw in the stairwell, it was just-" Alexis held her hand up and interrupted. "Do you have any idea what Bethany will do to you if she finds out that you hooked up with her boyfriend? Have you ever seen The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III? In the first scene, Leatherface cuts this chicks face off and wears it as a mask. It'll be like that for you. Except worse."

"I feel sick." Isabella responded, holding her stomach. She knew Alexis was exaggerating but it didn't make her feel any better. Since starting at St. Augustine, Isabella had heard her fair share of rumors about Bethany, most of them bad. One of the worst being about Jessa Sanders, a junior. She was run out of school because somebody emailed naked pictures of her to the entire student body and faculty. Though no one was ever punished, most people thought Bethany had something to do with it because the day before the pictures were sent out, they had gotten into a huge public fight over Alex.

"I think I'm going to call it a night and head in." Isabella told Alexis. "I didn't mean to scare you; I just thought you should be warned." Alexis said somberly. "And I'm just a little drunk so most of the things I say should not be taken seriously." She giggled, making Isabella laugh in spite of herself. Alexis gave Isabella a much needed hug. "There's like, a zero point nine percent chance she'll actually find out anyway so there's probably nothing to worry about." Isabella nodded, trying to convince herself that Alexis was right. The two said their goodbyes and went their separate ways. Alexis headed back to the party and Isabella headed for the door.

As Isabella reached for the doorknob, the door opened. Alex stood in front of Isabella with a lazy smile on his face. Unlike before, he looked completely put together, like nothing ever happened. He was effortlessly beautiful. "Well hello again." He spoke, his alluring British accent very noticeable. Probably because of the alcohol they shared earlier. Isabella turned red with shame and embarrassment when he spoke to her. She pulled her head down and cleared her throat, unsure of what to say. Just then, Bethany appeared at Alex's side and kissed him. "Where have you been all night?" Bethany demanded with her hands on her hips, completely ignoring Isabella. Alex shrugged, "Isabella was actually on her way out so I was just trying to convince her to stay." all the while staring intently at Isabella. "We could have lots of fun together." Isabella didn't miss the double entendre. Alex was risking a lot by flirting right in front of Bethany, but she seemed oblivious. Bethany glanced over at Isabella and waved her away. "Let her leave, she hasn't been that fun anyway." she said. Alex corked an eyebrow and flashed a knowing smile. "Oh I don't know, it's the quiet ones you have to look out for..." he said as Bethany dragged him away to rejoin the party. Isabella needed to get out of there before she ran into any more trouble.

Once Isabella got to her room, she felt like she could breathe again. She ripped her sweatshirt off and threw it in the corner, not wanting a constant reminder of her stupidity tonight. She kicked off her heels and headed for the bathroom, wanting to take all of her makeup off too. As the layers of superficial things came off, she began to feel more and more like her old comfortable self. She got done cleaning her face and headed back into her room. She picked up her worn copy of Wuthering Heights and began to read.

Before she could get too engrossed in the story, there was a knock at the door. She hopped up from her bed and walked over to the door. "Did you forget your keys again, Alexis?" she asked as she opened the door with a smile. Her smile fell when she saw Alice standing in the doorway. "Shit." she slammed the door closed in a panic but immediately opened it again, feeling bad for being so rotten to Alice all day. "I'm sorry." she apologized. "It's okay. I've wanted to talk to you all day, can I come in?" Alice chirped, already pushing her way inside. It didn't seem like Isabella had much of a choice so she opened the door wider and invited Alice in.

It seemed like Alice spent the first five minutes just looking around Isabella's half of the room. She looked at random pictures, books on her desk, and went through her iPod but then she found the mother load. Alice opened Isabella's closet and gasped. Everything was trendy, which was a change from the old Bella. There were even some designer things in there, courtesy of Renee and some wealthy St. Augustine friends like Alexis who insisted that 'every girl needs at least one pair Louboutins in their life.' Come to think of it, Alexis and Alice would probably get along very well. Their personality similarities were uncanny. "Alice?" Isabella spoke and gripped her shoulder after a full minute of absolutely no movement. Alice snapped out of it and flung herself at Isabella. "I'm so proud of you!" she squealed. Isabella awkwardly hugged Alice back, still a little uncomfortable around the Cullen's.

"Okay, sorry. Freak out moment, over." Alice told Isabella as she sat down on Isabella's bed. She picked up Isabella's copy of Wuthering Heights and smiled, "You still read this thing? I guess something never change". Isabella took the book from Alice, "You said you wanted to talk to me?" Isabella hinted, still not wanting to socialize with any Cullen's. "Right, yeah..." Alice's excitement disappeared. "I just, didn't get a chance tell you how sorry I am for everything that has happened." she explained. "I mean, I felt so bad leaving you in Forks and if nothing else, I wanted to say goodbye, but Edward wouldn't let me. He said it would be easier for you if we just left." Isabella wanted to cry. Bringing up their sudden move was probably the worst thing Alice could've done right now. Isabella had spent months trying to forget all that pain and Alice wad just dragging it up again. "Uh, thanks. I'm really tired though, I think you should go." she told Alice, not wanting to cry in front of her. "Oh, okay. I'm staying in room 104 with Rose. If you ever wanted to stop by, that would be really cool." she said meekly as she walked to the door.

Isabella turned the lights off and crawled into bed. When Alice opened the door, light shone through. "Alice?" Isabella called hesitantly. Alice turned to look at Isabella;"Yeah?" she called back. "Is...Did..." Isabella took a deep breath before continuing. "Did Edward come here with you guys?" It was the question that had been in the front and center of Isabella's mind all day. She didn't know what she hoped the answer would be but when Alice sadly shook her head, despair rolled through Isabella's body. Alice left and Isabella was left in her dark room. Thoughts of Edward dominated her mind and she hated herself for it. He had already broken her heart once and now he was doing it again. This time, without even being there in the first place.

Isabella's breathing quickened and shortened. She became dizzy and stood up, needing...something, but unsure of what. She paced around her room, feeling her heart start to race. She was having a panic attack. She had her first one in the forest when Edward left and now she was having another one. She couldn't breathe. She needed to focus. Her vision was becoming blurred but she was determined. Focus. Focus. Focus on what? She couldn't remember what she was supposed to focus on when she had a panic attack, but by now, it didn't matter, it was too late. The mix of alcohol, stress, sleepiness, and panic was too much. She blacked out and collapsed onto the ground.


	6. Chapter 5

Something cool swept over Isabella's forehead, waking her up. "How could you let this happen to her, Alice?" a velvety voice growled. Edward. The velvety voice belonged to Edward. Edward was here. "You can yell at me later, but right now Bella is waking up." Alice replied, and then Isabella heard a door shut. She felt Edward's icy hand intertwine with hers. She knew it was Edwards hand because she had spent many nights slowly tracing over it, memorizing every line and how it felt. "Bella? My sweet Bella. I was so worried." Edward sighed in relief, kissing her on the forehead as her eyes fluttered open. She had forgotten how utterly beautiful Edward was. He took her breath away, just like the first time she saw him at Forks High School. "Edward." Isabella said breathlessly.

Without thinking, she jumped into his strong arms and hugged him. "You're here." she buried her head in his chest and breathed in his unique scent, savoring every second of it. Isabella felt Edward wrap his arms around her, hugging her back. "Bella, I am so sorry, for everything. I will-" Isabella looked up at Edward and shook her head, "Please, no talking, just let me enjoy this." she begged, snuggling back into him. "But-" Edward tried to speak again. "No." Isabella said with authority in her voice. He didn't say anything after that, which Isabella was thankful for. She couldn't ask for any more in this moment. It was just Edward and Bella, nothing else. Isabella felt the jagged hole in her chest mend itself. She was whole again in his arms.

Isabella didn't know how long they stayed like that, it could have been a few seconds, or it could've been hours, but a knock at the door pulled them out of their blissful little world and Edward pulled away, much to Isabella's dismay. Carlisle stuck his head in the door and gave a sheepish smile. "I'm so sorry to interrupt your reunion but Alice told me Bella was up and I just wanted to check on her." He informed them. "Of course, come in." Edward answered him, stepping to the side. Isabella whimpered and reached out for him, afraid that he would disappear again. Edward saw Isabella's panicked expression and before she could voice her concerns, he took her tiny hand in his and squeezed it to let her know that he was there.

"How are you feeling, Bella?" Carlisle asked as he walked into the room. Isabella looked around for the first time since waking up. She was in the school infirmary. "I feel fine, but why am I here?" she asked, unable to remember what happened. Carlisle exchanged a knowing look with Edward, which annoyed Isabella to no end. "Why am I here?" she asked again. Carlisle hesitated a moment before starting to explain. "Your roommate, Alexis, found you passed out on the floor. It seems as though you had a panic attack. Now usually, people don't faint when they have panic attacks but that, along with the alcohol you consumed and the stress you were under resulted in you fainting." Carlisle explained. Edward was unusually quiet throughout the entire conversation. Isabella knew him well enough to know that he would be upset about her drinking yet he stayed silent and never let go of her hand.

Once Carlisle left the room, Isabella braced herself for Edward's fury. "You were drinking." Edward said in an eerily calm voice. Isabella nodded. "I know it was stupid. I've just had a rough couple of months, which is no excuse, but I promise it will never happen again." Isabella couldn't even meet Edward's intense gaze, too ashamed of herself. "Do you know what your blood alcohol content was? You're just lucky you didn't get alcohol poisoning." his voice getting louder as he spoke. Isabella shrunk away from him. Edward stood clenching and unclenching his fists repeatedly in obvious frustration. He sighed and held the bridge of his nose. "I'm sorry; I have no right to be mad at you. This is my fault entirely." Isabella was confused. "How do you figure that any of this is your fault?" she asked. "If I hadn't been such a coward and left you the way I did, none of this would've happened." Isabella froze. "I love you Isabella Marie Swan, leaving you was the hardest and stupidest thing I have ever had to do." Deep breaths, Isabella. In, out. In, out. "I will never be able to explain to you how sorry I am for causing you so much pain, but I vow to spend each and every day from here on out making it up to you. If you'll have me." he finished.

Isabella sighed, tears following freely down her face. "You have no idea how long I have been waiting to hear you stay that." Isabella said through her tears. Edward stepped closer to her. "But I don't think I can do that." she continued, now sobbing. "I am so sorry, but I can't. I can't, I can't, I can't..." It felt like she couldn't breathe again. Isabella felt the hole in her chest painfully rip open and become bigger than ever before. Edward wiped Isabella's tears away with his thumbs and pulled Isabella into his chest like before. "Please don't ever apologize to me for anything. I don't deserve your forgiveness or your love. I especially don't deserve your love. What I did was unforgivable." Isabella pressed her now warm cheek to Edwards cool shirt covered chest, instantly relaxing a bit. She pulled away from him slightly when he spoke. "Forgive you? Of course I forgive you. I forgave you the moment you left." Now it was Edwards turn to be confused, "Then why are you saying no?" he asked. "Because I know the pain of losing you, and I can't put myself through that again. I don't think my heart could take it." she whispered into his chest, knowing he would be able to hear. "Bella, I love you, I would never leave you again. I'm not strong enough to." Edward replied.

Isabella pulled herself away from Edward and stood up. She knew the more time she spent with Edward, the bigger the hole in her chest would be when she left. Isabella wasn't wearing shoes but there was a pair of black ballet flats in the corner with a note attached to them. 'For Bella' the note read in Alice's elegant scripture. Isabella would need to thank her for that later. She slipped on the shoes and headed for the door as quickly as she could, but not quickly enough. Edward appeared in front of her, blocking the door. "I know what it feels to live without you too, and I am a far too selfish creature to even think about leaving you again." Isabella shook her head. "Did you love me when we were together in Forks?" Isabella asked, the tears slowing considerably. "Of course." Edward answered without hesitating. "But you still left me." Isabella stated. "Sometimes love isn't enough to save a relationship." Edward started shaking his head, "The only reason I left you was because I was trying to protect you. Vampires are dangerous. All it takes is one second of me losing control, and you could very well die. I don't think you fully understand what you risk every time you are near a vampire." Edward retorted.

"Everything I do on a daily basis carries a risk of some kind." Isabella argued, managing to slip past Edward. Edward scoffed, "Yes, like drinking." Isabella had been walking down the hall, but turned to face Edward when he made that comment. Rage filled her. "You have NO right to make those comments. When you left, you said you wanted me to live a 'normal life.' That is what I was trying to do. I was at a party; everyone else was doing it, and so I took a drink, just like every other normal teenager here would do." Edward groaned in frustration. "But you are so much better then all of those normal kids!" he shouted. "You don't get to decide that, not now." Isabella yelled back, turning back around and walking out of the building.

Cold air bit at Isabella's face as she stormed out of the infirmary building. She tripped on her way down the front steps twice before finally getting a grip on the handrail. The sky was dark, if Isabella had to guess, she would say it was around five in the morning. Isabella made her way across the deserted quad kicking clumps of grass in irritation. "Fuck." Isabella never swore. She found it to be tacky and unintelligent but right now, swear words seemed to be the only way to properly express the way she felt. "Fuck. Fuck! FUCK! Fuck you, Edward fucking Cullen!" she screamed at the top of her lungs at the infirmary building. Isabella wasn't mad with Edward, not really, but she would rather feel anger towards him them heartbreak.

Isabella's phone started ringing in her pocket. She glanced at it, saw a picture of Alexis flash across the screen, and answered on the second ring. As usual, Alexis ignored the normal pleasantries and got right to her point. "Hey! Are you still in the infirmary with Doctor Hottie because I'm on way over to kidnap you." Isabella decided to ignore the 'Doctor Hottie' comment for the time being. "No, I just left, actually. I'm walking across the quad right now." She told Alexis. "Oh that's you? I see you! I'm right behind you!" Isabella spun around and saw Alexis start to run towards her. Alexis held up her phone, her bright little screen acting as a flashlight for her. Alexis hurled herself at Isabella as soon as she was close enough and almost knocked her down.

"Oh my god! I was so worried about you!" Alexis squealed right in Isabella's ear. Isabella pulled back and Alexis looked at her face. "Are you okay?" she asked, suddenly unsure. Isabella sighed and ran her hand through her hair, feeling very overwhelmed. Alexis was going to find out about Edward sooner or later, she might as well tell her now. "You know that boyfriend in Washington I told you about?" Isabella asked hesitantly. Alexis nodded, "Of course, The Virginal Prince. Edward." She said, calling him by the nickname she made up for him. Isabella cringed inwardly, knowing Edward was still in the Infirmary and probably heard that. "Can you please stop calling him that?" she asked, her voice cracking. Alexis ignored Isabella's pleas. "What about him?" she asked impatiently. "He's here." she whispered. Alexis's jaw hung open. "He's here? As in, here? St. Augustine? Why?" Isabella sighed and looked back over to the infirmary building. "His father is the 'Doctor Hottie' you were referring to." A look of realization flashed across Alexis' face. "Oh." was all she said. Alexis was at a loss of words, which never happened. Isabella didn't talk much about her old life in Forks, but Alexis knew about it. She knew how badly Edward had hurt her.

"I don't know what I'm going to do, Alexis." Isabella said, gripping Alexis' arm. Alexis shook her head. "You don't have to figure everything out right now." She answered. "In fact, you don't even have to think right now. I have the perfect thing to take your mind off of this." Alexis smiled, pulling her phone back out of her jacket pocket. She called up Alex's information and held it up for Isabella to see. "Alex? Your solution to my ex-boyfriend problems is another boy?" Alexis smirked and started texting. "No." she said. "He just got some weed from his brother. That is my solution." She smiled. Isabella stepped away. "I don't know…" Alexis rolled her eyes and looped her arm through Isabella's. "Just shut up and come on. I guarantee that after you've smoked this tuff, you won't even remember Edward's name." Alexis started off in the direction of the dorm buildings, dragging Isabella along with her. Isabella took one last look over her shoulder at the infirmary building. She could've sworn she saw Edward starting down the steps and Alice run out after him. They exchanged a few words Alice pulled a reluctant looking Edward back inside. When Isabella looked back again, they were gone.


	7. Chapter 6

The room was dark and filled with smoke. Isabella sat on the floor of Alex's dorm room, leaning back against his bed. Alexis and Alex sat on either side of her. The only noise in the room was the soft music playing in the background. Nobody spoke because nothing needed to be said in that moment. Alexis sluggishly stood up and headed to the bathroom, leaving Isabella alone in the room with Alex. Isabella stood up and fell onto the plush king sized bed. "Your bed is very, very comfortable." she sighed contently and stretched out, letting her eyes close. Isabella felt a dip in the bed to the right of her. "Yes, it is." Alex whispered, his English accent drawing Isabella in. Alex ran his hand through Isabella's hair and rubbed her scalp. Isabella flinched away as she thought of Edward. "Alex…" she used a warning tone. "Shhh…" Alex hushed, laying his finger over Isabella's full lips. "We can't do this…" Isabella tried again, though she could feel her resolve wearing thin. "You talk far too much." Alex whispered into Isabella's ear and traced down her jawline with his lips.

Before Isabella could respond, the door burst open. In the doorway stood a very livid looking Edward. His whole body was tensed. "Dude, what the fuck is your problem?" Alex yelled, getting up from the bed. Isabella heard Edward growl and scrambled onto her feet. This was bad. Very bad. Edward flew across the room and stopped right in front of Alex. He then proceeded to throw Alex against the nearest wall. "Stay away from her. She is mine." He growled, pointing to Isabella. "Edward!" Isabella cried. Alexis chose then to reenter the room. "You guys, you should check out the-" Alexis stopped talking when she saw what was going on. "Edward, stop!" Isabella tried again, running over to Edward and trying in vain to pull him back. "That is Edward?" Alexis looked shocked. "That is so not fair. How the hell do you get all the hot guys to fall for you?" Alexis asked. Everyone ignored her. Edward finally relented and stepped away from Alex.

Alex groaned but stood up. He looked Edward straight in the eye and smirked. "I take it Isabella is an ex-girlfriend of yours?" Edward didn't respond but Alex continued anyway. "She's not yours anymore." He said sharply taking a step forward. "But I can see why you're so territorial. She is very…talented." The smirk reappeared on Alex's face. Edward lunged at Alex again but Isabella stepped in front of Alex, making Edward stop in his tracks. "Alexis, Shut him up!" Isabella told Alexis, pointing to Alex. "Edward, you should go." She pointed to the door. At this moment, Isabella just wanted to avoid a fight. Edward glared at Alex but listened to Isabella and stormed out of the room with Isabella following closely behind him.

"What are you doing with that Neanderthal?" Edward fumed. Isabella stared slack jawed at Edward. She had never seen him so angry. It hurt her to see him in so much pain. Knowing there was nothing she could do to fix it right now made it even worse. "Calm down, please. We can talk about this, just please take a deep breath and try to clear your head." Isabella begged, stepping closer to him and placing her hand on his heaving chest. "I can't Isabella." Edward seethed. Isabella had gotten used to using her full name at school but hearing it come out of Edward's mouth sounded wrong for some reason. "I want to kill him. You don't understand how close I just came to snapping that kid's neck." Edward whispered. His eyes had gone black and for the first time in their relationship, Isabella was afraid of Edward. She didn't run away though. She wanted to try to make this better for Edward. "Why?" Isabella asked. Edward finally looked down at her. "Because he kissed you. Because he kissed you, but you're mine and I can't stand the thought of any other man touching you as intamintly as I have." He told her.

Isabella froze. She was at a loss for words. "I'm so sorry." Isabella somehow managed to choke out. "That was a mistake." She looked down at her shoes, her vision blurred from the tears she was trying so desperately to blink away. "Why are you apologizing to me?" Edward's voice was suddenly filled with outrage, which confused Isabella. "I left you; you have no loyalties to me. You should be allowed to…" Edward struggled to say it, "Kiss anyone you want without fear that your psychotic vampire ex-boyfriend won't barge in and try to kill the damned guy." Edward pulled at his bronze hair. "I don't know what I'm supposed to say anymore, Edward." Isabella whimpered. Edward sighed. He opened the door to the dorm room that came right before Alex's, room 102 and walked in. One half of the room was obviously Edwards. Journals and thick books filled the bookshelves. On top of his dresser sat a very advanced looking stereo system with CD's scattered all around it. Isabella assumed the other half of the room belonged to Emmett since there were pictures of Rosalie tacked up on all the walls.

Edward flopped down on his bed in defeat. "Does he make you happy?" he whispered. Isabella was caught off guard by the question. She expected Edward to yell some more. Isabella thought about the question for a moment as she cautiously stepped into the room. Yes, Alex did make her happy for the short period of time they had spent together, but that was only because he was so good a distracting her from all the other craziness that was going on in her life. "Not as happy as you made me." She finally replied, sitting down next to Edward. Edward sighed and started pulling on his hair again. "I shouldn't have come here. This is all wrong." Edward stated, standing up from the bed. He began to pace around the room. Edward grabbed his suitcase from the closet and started throwing things into it messily. Isabella's heart sunk to the bottom of her stomach. "You're leaving? Again?" she asked, afraid of the answer. "I must." Edward stopped packing and walked over to Isabella. "You have a life here, and I can't ruin that for you." He ran the back of his hand across the side of Isabella's face. Isabella leaned into his cool touch. "But, what about what you said in the infirmary? Were those just lies? You said you wouldn't, you said you couldn't leave me again." Isabella cried, her voice getting higher than usual. "I have to give you a chance to be happy without me." Isabella curled up on Edward's bed and held her sides. "Please don't do this to me again." Isabella begged. "The only reason I came here was to be with you, but you said no, which is completely understandable, but I can't stay here. I have no reason to. I just keep hurting you" Edward tried to explain. Isabella looked up at him. "I didn't want to get hurt again." She told him. "I want to be with you, more than anything. Please just stay." Isabella pleaded. "Bella, please try to understand that I am doing this for you." Edward told her. "You need a chance to live some kind of normal life."

"I don't want a normal life, I want you." Isabella screamed. A sharp knock at the door captured Edward's attention. He stiffened and turned to Isabella. "It's your friend, Alexis. She wants to see you, make sure you're okay." Edward spoke softly. "Isabella, open up." Alexis continued banging at the door. Isabella got up from the bed and ran for the door. She tripped on a shirt Edward had dropped while packing and almost fell. Edward caught her though. "Hold on, I need to finish saying goodbye to you." Edward told her. Isabella tore herself away from Edward, feeling utterly betrayed by him. She started for the door again but Edward caught up with her. "Please Bella; I'm doing this for you." Edward tried again. Isabella once again ripped herself away from Edward and ripped the door open. Alexis stood on the other side, waiting. "No, I don't want to hear your over rehearsed perfectly worded excuses. You don't get to say goodbye to me again." Isabella spoke. She was obviously upset so Alexis wrapped her arms around her. "It's my turn. I'm choosing to leave you this time." Isabella took a deep breath, "Goodbye, Edward." With that, Isabella walked right back into Alex's room and slammed the door. Pain coursed through her entire body. She just made the biggest mistake of her life by not fighting harder for her relationship with Edward and she knew it, but it was too excruciating, she couldn't do it.

Now Isabella just sat on Alex's king sized bed and stared at the wall. She closed her eyes and fell back, hoping to god that this was all just a horrible, horrible nightmare.


	8. Chapter 7

The next morning, Isabella woke up to the sound of the shower running. She was still in Alex's room lying in his bed and Alexis was asleep on the floor in a little makeshift bed. Isabella pulled the sheets away from her to get out of the bed but immediately pulled them back up to her neck when she realized she was undressed from the waist up. She frantically scanned the room for her blouse and spotted it neatly hung up on a hanger on the closet door knob on the other side of the room. Isabella was about to run and grab it when the bathroom door swung open. Isabella settled back into the bed and clutched the blankets closer to her body. She looked like a deer caught in the headlights. She couldn't remember much of last night after her fight with Edward, which she remembered in vivid detail, only that she came back to Alex's room.

When Isabella looked at Alex, her eyes widened. He stood, leaning against the door frame with a just a towel on. The towel hung dangerously low on his hips and the rest of his body glistened with little droplets of water. "Good morning." he spoke, all traces of his English accent from last night gone. Isabella looked at him, to her shirt, and then down at her own blanket clad body. Alex followed her gaze and smirked followed by a low chuckle. Isabella saw that and glared at him. "It's not funny. What happened last night?" she asked him accusingly. Alex held up his hands in defense. Don't look at me babe. You were the one that ripped your shirt off." Alex told her. Isabella's eyes went even bigger than before. Why would she take off her own shirt? "Though I can't say I objected." Alex continued. He walked over to his closet and opened the door, completely ignoring Isabella's shirt. He grabbed a black sweater and pulled it on before picking a heather grey tee shirt and tossing it onto the bed. "Wear that." He instructed, pulling dark wash jeans out of the closet. He closed the door and headed to his dresser. "Why would I wear your shirt if mine is right over there?" Isabella pointed over at her blouse. Alex turned to her, "Because you would be coming out of my room wearing the same clothes from last night. You wouldn't want to give people the wrong impression, would you?" He asked, pulling a pair of boxers and socks out of the top drawer and heading back to the bathroom.

He had a point. Isabella quickly grabbed the shirt and pulled it over her head before Alex came back into the room. The shirt was really comfortable. The cotton was worn in, making it thin but soft. It was a little big on Isabella, but she would be able to pass it off as hers. Alex walked back into the room, this time fully clothed, and sat down on the end of his bed. Isabella still clung to the blankets. Just knowing that Alex had seen her without a shirt made her blush. "Why did I take my shirt off?" Isabella finally asked hesitantly. Alex leaned back, his elbows keeping him propped up. "You were having a bad trip." He told her. "You kept screaming that you couldn't breathe so you ripped your shirt off, hoping it would help." The memories were slowly coming back to her. She felt like she was drowning last night. Though that probably had more to do with Edward then the weed she had smoked.

"Are you okay?" Isabella felt Alex's soft touch on her arm, pulling her out of her thoughts. She was surprised at the softness in his voice. "I'll be fine." She lied with a small smile. Honestly, she felt like a huge part of her was missing, Edward, but she was more determined than ever to try to move on with her life. What as the saying? Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Edward had definitely 'fooled her twice' so to speak.

"Did anything else happen last night?" Isabella asked. Alex smiled knowingly, "Like what?" he asked playfully. He was going to make her say it. "Did we…do anything we shouldn't have..?" Alex's smile slowly disappeared. "Uh, no. Nothing happened. But you did try. You're a feisty little thing when you want something." He said. Isabella cringed, but she didn't understand. Alex wanted to sleep with her, so why didn't he? Last night would've been the perfect opportunity. "But you didn't?" she asked. Alex shook his head. "You were pretty messed up last night. I'm not into being the guy you regret in the morning." He explained as he got up from the bed. He slipped a pair of vans on and headed for the door. "But don't worry; I'm sure we'll have another chance." He flashed a smile before disappearing out the door and into the hallway.

Isabella didn't know where Alex was going or when he would be back, but she decided she should leave. Isabella went over to Alex's desk. She found a pad of post-its and a pen and wrote a note to Alexis. 'Went home. Didn't want to wake you. Text me when you get up. Love you, Isabella' Isabella then stuck it on Alexis's forehead and left the room. As soon as she got out into the hallway, Isabella noticed something in her peripheral vision. Somebody was outside of Edward's door. When she turned, she found it to be Emmett. He sat on the floor, leaning against the door, pounding at it every few seconds or so. "Come on Eddie, let me in" he called. The elevators were on the other side of him so there was no way to get by without him seeing her. Isabella stopped in front of him. "Problem?" she asked, crossing her arms in front of her chest as a sort of barrier between them. "Yeah, Eddie boy is PMSing again. He locked me out." Emmett said and pounded on the door again. "Are you sure he's even in there?" Isabella asked. Edward was probably long gone by now. "Yeah, I can hear him breathing." Emmett told Isabella. Isabella stopped breathing. He was still here? "He's in there? Now?" she asked, not believing what she just heard. Emmett nodded. "He's just being a dick right now." He yelled to the door. "Hello, Earth to Bells." Emmett had stood up and was now waving his hand in front of her face. Isabella took a deep breath and shook her head out, trying to clear her mind. "I used to get locked out of my dorm all the time. I learned a little trick. Here," Isabella dropped to her knees in front of the door and pulled a paperclip from her pocket. It was something she learned to carry around everywhere when she first got here. It helped her with her share of dorm room doors. Isabella stuck the paperclip into the key hole. With a little wiggling of the knob, the door popped open. Isabella hopped up. "With all the tuition our parents pay, you would think they would have a stronger security system." Isabella commented as she practically ran down the hall, not wanting to bump into Edward. Emmett stared at Isabella in awe as she unlocked to door with such ease. He stepped in the room so Edward couldn't lock him out again but stuck his head out into the hall. "Thank you!" He called. "Oh, and nice shirt." Isabella spun around just in time to see Emmett with a big smile on his face. He closed the door before Isabella could respond. All Isabella could think about know was, 'What is Edward thinking?'


	9. Chapter 8

The elevator ride down to the main floor of Bishop, the boys dorm building, seemed never ending. Isabella was alone with her thoughts for the first time since before the disastrous party. So much had happened since then. There was still a lot she needed to process. Isabella felt the elevator lurch to a stop and the doors slid open in front of her. Luckily, the resident dorm advisor was still in his room, probably asleep, so Isabella had no trouble getting out of the building.

Just as Isabella opened the front doors, thinking she was going to get away undetected, Bethany came walking up the front steps. She didn't notice Isabella at first, too involved with something on her cellphone, but looked up when she realized someone was in her way. She cocked her head to the side as she studied Isabella. Her eyes stopped at her, or rather Alex's shirt. Bethany grabbed at the hem and rubbed it between her thumb and forefinger. A smile that didn't reach her eyes appeared on Bethany's face. "You're wearing his shirt." They both understood who she was referring to. "And you're coming out of his dorm building at…" she looked down at her watch, "nine a.m. on a Sunday morning." This probably looked really bad. "Are you fucking him?" Isabella was taken aback by Bethany's bluntness. She furiously shook her head from side to side. "N- No, of course not. We were just hanging out last night. Alexis, Alex, and I and we fell asleep. Completely innocent." Isabella said quickly, her words all blending together as she looked down to the ground, her cheeks burning red. Bethany wore an emotionless mask, making it impossible to know what she was thinking. "Hm." Was all she said. Bethany started to push past Isabella. "Alex isn't in his room. He just left." Isabella told her. Bethany smirked, "Thanks, but I'm not here to see Alex." With that, Bethany strutted into the boy's common room and disappeared down the hall that led to the elevator.

Isabella went back to her own dorm room and got changed into workout clothes which consisted of yoga pants and a matching workout jacket. She was going out for a run, something she never did on her free will. But running required all of her attention so she wouldn't fall and she figured that maybe it could keep her distracted for a little bit. It was worth a try. Isabella went down to the track field and ran, keeping her eyes down at her feet the entire time. It did distract her, though she fell more times than she cared to admit to. She ran until her lungs felt like they were on fire. The pain just served as another welcome distraction, so Isabella kept running. "You should slow down unless you want to pass out again." a female voice said. Isabella stopped and looked behind her. She saw Rosalie jogging to catch up with her. Rosalie wore a cute little jogging outfit. Her hair was pulled back into a sleek ponytail and she looked flawless as always. She looked like she should be in an ad for Nike. Once she caught up to Isabella, which didn't take long, she handed her a water bottle. Isabella was confused. Was Rosalie actually being nice to her? Isabella cautiously took the bottle and kept her eyes on Rosalie as she drank, expecting her to rip it out of her hands or something.

"Why are you out here anyway? I thought you hated any kind of physical activity. I still remember P.E. class back in Forks. It never ended very well for you." Rosalie said, starting to walk around the track again. This time, Isabella was the one trying to catch up. "I just really needed some distraction. Figured this was as good as any." Isabella replied, handing the water bottle back to Rosalie. "Edward isn't going to leave, you know. He loves you too much to do that, regardless of what he says." Rosalie said. Isabella slowed down, and then sprinted ahead, wanting to get her focus off of the hole in her chest. "I don't want to talk about him." she panted and she pushed herself ahead of Rosalie. Rosalie easily kept up. "I know, but everyone else in my family is tiptoeing around the subject and I'm sick of it." Rosalie said. Isabella stopped and turned to Rosalie. "You want to talk about it? Fine. I am so unbelievably heartbroken but I am so tired of being the only one fighting for our relationship. Edward always seems to have some reason as to why I should break up with him. He's a vampire. He's dangerous. I will never have a normal life with him. He doesn't have a soul. And according to him, I'm too young to fully understand any of this so he decides what is best for me, regardless of what I think." Isabella fumed. Rosalie just stood and listened. "Maybe you should tell him that." Rosalie nodded over Isabella's shoulder. When Isabella turned her head, she saw Edward standing on the other side of the track.

When she looked back to Rosalie, she was gone. Isabella slowly walked over to Edward. "We should talk." he said in a low voice, guiding her to the bleachers. Isabella sat on the first bench and looked straight out to the field, not sure if she could face Edward right now. "I'm so sorry you feel like you are the only one fighting for our relationship. That must be a horrible weight to carry." Edward said. Isabella still didn't look at him but could feel his intense gaze on her. "I'm just trying to prepare myself for the day when you realize that you are way too good for me." Isabella scoffed but Edward continued. "You are so amazing and you always see the best in everything. I don't deserve someone like you." Isabella sighed. "It seems as if we have the same problem here because I'm terrified every day that you will figure out that you should be with someone that has more to offer you then me." Isabella saw Edward reach up and pinch the bridge of his nose in her peripheral vision. "I hate hearing you belittle yourself like that." Edward said sternly. "As do I." Isabella added. "We're quite the pair, aren't we?" Isabella finally looked over at Edward who let out a cynical laugh. "Yes we are. I think between us we have the confidence of baby fawn." he commented. "I definitely have the grace of one." Isabella said. That made Edward laugh, really laugh. His laugh was music to Isabella's ears. It filled her entire body with warmth.

Isabella hesitated for a moment, and then laid her head on Edward's hard shoulder. "I don't want you to leave." she whispered. "I don't either." he answered, taking her hand in his. "But I can't be with you right now. We both have some things to work out before we can be in a healthy relationship." she told him. "I know." he said. They both just sat there for what seemed like hours, not moving. "So we'll be friends." Isabella announced. "For now." she added. "Friends. For now." Edward repeated her words softly, rubbing her hand with his thumb.

Eventually, Edward insisted that Isabella go eat. She wanted to stay with Edward for as long as possible, but knew he would not relent on the subject. For some reason, leaving Edward this time felt so much more permanent than any other time. The song, "Goodbye My Lover' by James Blunt was paying in her head. It seemed to describe her situation perfectly.


End file.
